Where Do I Belong?

Where do I belong?
In this world of lost humanity,
Where is my abode?
In this world of numbed feelings,
What is my Identity?

I pen down random emotions now,
My tears being the smooth flow of ink.
But the paper being so hollow,
Even the tears start blotting on it.
In this world of hollowness,
What does my presence justify?

Standing amidst a bunch o'people,
Yet completely lonely, I am.
Buzzed 'round by the people,
Yet the quietest amongst 'em, I am.
Hunting for the meaning of lonliness,
Yet completely alone, I am.
In this world of lost definitions,
Where am I?

Already ridden of the past,
Yet sneaking 'nother way through it, I am.
Watching the clock tick endlessly everyday,
Yet careless to think 'bout the future, I am.
Living in the present,
Yet travelling through the time, I am.
In this world of lost time,
What period am I in?

Walking along a path,
Yet no traveller, I am.
Composing some lines in order,
Yet no poet, I am.
Masking myself as somebody,
Yet the true nobody in myself, I am.
In this world of wronged roles,
Who am I?

Proclaiming myself as 'I',
Yet unaware of my identity, I am.
Inking down a thought,
Yet immediately contradicting it, I am.
In this world of mismatched-ness,
Where do I come from?

Help me now, Tell me,
Where do I belong?
In your mind, as this composition?
Or still on the paper, just as some random emotions?

The Nightfall

It is one of those lonely, misty and chilly nights. And stuck in the middle of it, is me. Even the moon still ain't out to help me get cured with my loneliness.

Every night nowadays, brings with it a certain chill that almost everytime triumphs the warmth in me.

The vulnerable side of me is thus exhibited helplessly to the dark. Not that I fear the dark, but the chill it brings with it, makes me drop all my guard.

Everytime the chill creeps into me with a queer slowness, it reminds me of some other-worldly warmth.

Mum.

Yeah, I finally struck the right chord. It may be really hard to think about living without your Mum, but its even harder to live the real.

And the Harder is what, I'm living. The real. Mum's on the other side of the state, with I being on one side, both being in different cities altogether.

Frankly, I always cherished the dream of living alone some day, without Mum and Dad. I even kept sayig about this to Mum. But she always snapped back saying its not so easy as it seems.

Now I know what she meant by that.

Everyday, until the sun sets, everything goes in its very right order.

But not after the sun down.

After that, the clock suddenly startsticking at an amazingly slow speed, the time goes past by with seemingly huge intervals and I grow from the quite to the quieter to the quietest in the room. And to add to all this, the wicked chill of the night.

This wicked witch of night was once a beautiful angel for me.

But not anymore.

Its like everyone enjoys watching snow sitting by the fireplace, and yet only the one in the snowstorm knows the deadliness of the frost-bite.

The fireplace is the very thing lacking for me.

I can't cuddle up in Mum's warm arms in a shivering chill. I can't even sneak by her side in the dead of the night after I've had a nightmare.
There's no one to caress my forehead to make go to sleep. There's no one even to so roughly wake me up the next morning from the same sound sleep...

I didn't know that I was going to end up in writing all this when I'd started. I didn't even know that this piece of parchment would get so wet and blotchy at some places... places where my tears have fallen.

But then, sometimes one really can't chalk things out.

Well, here comes the moon... She can't supply me with the same warmth as that of Mum, but looking at her atleast cheers me up.

As it is,
You never know what you've truly got until it gets missing...

I'm missing you, Mum,
I'm missing you.

Some Muted Noise

Disclaimer: This came out as an impulse. Contains Intended Metaphor.

A muted noise was around,
Rainwater making its way to the ground.
The tree by the balcony, shivered by the showers...
That had begun to approach the fresh, green earthly blades.
A mist lay all around,
Dwindling drops of water falling down.

Standing there,
Hearing the clouds thunder,
Feeling the breeze on the face,
Was Somebody.
A mist lay all around,

Dwindling drops of water falling down.

His breathing was slow,
But mind was racing...
Far from the li'l droplets,
Past through the murky sky.
A mist lay all around,

Dwindling drops of water falling down.

The rains could turn out to be a storm: unpleasant.
Or form a Rainbow: Much from being just pleasant.
He was the chosen one to decide,

The pleasant or the unpleasant, was to be judged along, by him.
A mist lay all around,

Dwindling drops of water falling down.

Just too under-knowledged to decide, was he?
Or perhaps, just even a bit afraid to think about it?
The Rainbow meant treading along the harder path,
While the storm made its way, as a tempting one.
A mist lay all around,

Dwindling drops of water falling down.

The Rainbow finally turned out to be a ray of happiness and hope, he knew.
And the storm was something he won't want to face later, he knew.
The murky sky didn't help at all by thundering out,

The mist had no different case, either, but for confusing him out.
A mist lay all around,

Dwindling drops of water falling down.

Shivering though the tree was,
It wasn't unhelpful at all.
It was all drenched and misty,
Yet it stood, and stood tall with dignity.
A mist lay all around,

Dwindling drops of water falling down.

The path was finally decided upon,
Harder though it was,
The mist: now helped by lifting around,
Drops of water, not dwindling now, but still falling down.

He had to form the Rainbow.
Then though it meant treading along the murky sky.

After all,
He was Somebody,
And that Somebody,
Is Me.

Silent Tears..

Parting, is what we feared.
Parting, is what the immediate future.
Parting, is what that's near.

I didn't expect it to happen so suddenly and unexpected.
Neither did you,
I want it to be halted here, right now.
And so do you.

Some things aren't to be told, I know.
They're just to be understood.
And its the same thing that brought us near,
It still is the same thing that keeps us bonded.

Intially, love is innocent.
It always needs to be, too.
And it also is easily stripped off its innocence,
As Egos and Attitudes envy the same.

But we survived it all.
We still have our love innocent.

Nevertheless,
Sheer Love is envied always by the factors that surround it.

This is some test yet again.
A test we need now to endure.
That'll prove our love endless.

No Distance can break it,
No miles can halt it,
No factor can limit it.

My love for you is endless, sweetheart,
My love for you is beyond the boundaries of space and time.

A Way So Distant...

Great Heights I achieve,
Yet you stand higher than me.
Thus you disprove what I believe,
And ask me to look out for more than I see.

I now sit by the windw...
I stare out at the sky,
There's no hint of me being low,
And you there, up above me, high.

You're miles away, dad...
I miss you, you being at a different place,
Yet I'm your same lad,
Who never even gave a thought to miss you, when you were here, at my place.

Its not as if we aren't in contact,
Nor as if we won't ever meet.
But can't bear your unoccupied biking-hat,
I now need to have an alert sleep.

I know, I'll be joining you over in no time...
It'll be the same, all over again,
At your place, we shall be together then akin.
But the current scenario is what I see,
You see, I still refuse to drive your bike, in disdain.

It is a way, I know very near, to travel there to you...
Yet a way, my heart says, much distant, that's one in a few...

I miss you, dad,
I miss you.

My Heart Wanders

She's out somewhere, I don't know,
Yet slowly, my heart wanders...
Out on the thin air,
Out in the night,
Out of my dwindling sight

The breeze presses against the window-panes...
My eyes reckon the so friendly white-face in the sky.
Yet slowly, my heart wanders...
Out on the thin air,
Out in the night,
Out of my dwindling sight

Romanticism has hit me,
I wonder.
A slight bashful I get,
As my heart slowly wanders...
Out on the thin air,
Out in the night,
Out of my dwindling sight

Euphoric, my heart is...
Knowing that in no time,
The thin air will carry it to its better half.
Thus it wanders...
Out on the thin air,
Out in the night,
Out of my dwindling sight

The thin air then carries a surprising scent,
A scent, so well-known,
An aroma of love,
A fragrance so warming,
A perfume, just so inviting.

Happily 'nough,
My heart wanders...
Out on the thin air,
Out in the night,
Out of my dwindling sight

Cross-Roads

"Reminiscences, are queer. They make you cry over the things that you laughed on, and make you laugh over the things that you wept on."

I cannot help but get mesmerized. Memories, are really strange. They make best friends with you in an instant, and yet, in a split second, they make you feel as if they're somone but just like any alien person you pass by on the trafficked-street. You are then left with no other alternative than actually gettin dumbstruck.

Getting the same feeling, I turn onto my rest best-friends waiting for me in the hidden shafts of my buzzing-mind.

Well, its the same all over again. Another batch passing out of the school, with an enormous pomp. Also with a remarkable bidding, though, considering how special we were held in the eyes of the teachers.

School.....its all back to it. Say the name of my school: S-B-O-A, aloud, and my eyes get still moist. Talk about it, and it gets worse. I'm not used to claim myself as an "Ex-student" of the school I've been walking in since my toddling-years, after all. What's more, it even all started from this same institution on earth.

It was here that I learnt to converse in languages, other than my mother-tongue. It was here that I started saying “I didn’t bring,” instead of “I didn’t brought,” (but that improvement was right back in my Third-standard, mind you,). It was here that I learnt two plus two equals four. (C'mon everyone knows that, er-don't they?) It was here that I learnt Apples fall on the ground due to Gravity (Why didn’t Newton wonder at Pears falling on the ground?). It was here that I learnt Gobi Desert lies in China and not in India. (See the name? Gobi?). It was here that I learnt George Washington was the First president of the US and not Abraham Lincoln (Now get that!).

But its all not the same, now. No more of demanding PT periods to the other subject-teachers in return of completing Homeworks before time. No more of visits to the staff room alongwith neck-high towers of books of the class, remaining for correction. No more of glimpsing in the classroom through its window to see what's being taught, when punished outside for not being attentive. No more of bunking the periods with the excuse of getting the bladder full. No more of commenting on the teachers with friends when something's being taught; and then, getting beaten by a chalk, or, at the most, a ball-pen by the teacher. No more of being caught sleeping under the last desk when the dullest period is going on. No more of the same-old-rivalry between two classes for top-scoring, for winning the inter-class award, for topping the sporting events, and, for every-single-competitive-thing. No more of excited voices that'd be eagerly anticipating the Next-School-Captain. No more of studying until the last minute given before the examinations, and still, cursing "that tough-paper," No more, of roaming the corridors in groups of friends during intervals. No more of these years, itself.

The end of every farewell carries the same message: The hope that the students will brighten the name of the school and make it proud in the future. Just like the Moon gets illuminated by the light of the Sun, and then learns to spread its own, white-light on the Earth: The teachers are the Sun, the students: the Moon. And the End-of-the-farewell-message is thus founded into its being a fact.

School is an institution, a foundation, which inculcates numerous values, encourages good habits, teaches one to respect others and self, and most importantly, school is that building which ultimately exercises one's empathy. School, itself, is a second home.

Everyone passes through this stage in their life. Some with joy for being free at last, some with grief of leaving the school, and some, with just an excuse to pass onto the College-life. I do not come into any of the categories. These are my sentiments, these are my emotions, these are my feelings regarding my school. I do not think of being rational. But I am not grieved, even. This was a stage I needed to pass: Just like any other milestones in my life. But perhaps this Milestone will be the most cherished, most celebrated, and the most remarkable one of my life. These, are the Cross-Roads of my life.

Life takes a turn.....Sometimes for the best, Sometimes for the worst. But the best is what I hope for....What everyones hopes for.